He's got a world full of chocolate,
A magical suite.
We know he's gonna stock it,
Don't need a receipt.

I've got my golden ticket,
It cost me a lot.
But Willy's gonna rock it,
With all that he's got.

With trees made of gumdrops,
In a candyfloss sky.
The pictures are amazing,
And the camera don't lie.

Gonna see the twilight tunnel,
And the lemonade room.
The garden of enchantment,
And the bubble bloom.

But I've just found out where we'll go,
An industrial estate in Glasgow...

Willy McDuff
Huh! Motherfucker!
Living copyright free in his factory.
Just make some chocolate, is it so hard?

Willy McDuff is a charlatan,
Charging thirty-five bucks at his lemonade stand.
Let's turn him into chocolate,
And get him barred.

The floor and walls are concrete,
And the decor is drab.
There's a Wonkidoodle crying,
Behind a meth lab.

The windows are filthy,
And the warehouse is cold.
Willy's Chocolate Experience,
Is not what was sold.

I'll live to regret the day I,
Believed the lies that were made by AI.

Willy McDuff
Huh! Motherfucker!
Gave us one jelly bean then got out the card machine.
Just make some chocolate, is it so hard?

Willy McDuff is a charlatan,
A quarter cup of lemonade, then he charged twenty grand.
Let's turn him into chocolate,
And get him barred.

But something's started stirring in the walls.
A face of unknown terror in the place of chocolate falls.
Turning tidiness into turmoil, they've got a nasty plan,
From the rubble of his factory, will we be saved by a con-man?

Ha ha ha ha ha, indeed!
It was at this point in the sorry affair that I emerged from the walls.
Willy McDuff’s chaotic foe, The Unknown.
There it sat, Willy’s most powerful creation - the anti-graffiti gobstopper.
Built to save mothers picking up dirty socks? A lack of vision I say.
Imagine it, dear listener.
The chaos, the absolute power of turning tidiness into turmoil.
But he wouldn’t hand it over - a showdown he wanted.
So he revealed his pitiful parlour tricks: lasers, traps, illusions.
No match for me though, as I wove among the beams giving as good as I got.
But that liar, that cheat, he distracted me with cheap tricks only to blast me with pure cleanliness from the very gobstopper I sought.
I fell to the floor and was forced to suffer a gross indignity.
Being swept away by a robotic vacuum.

Willy McDuff
Huh! Motherfucker!
Used a robot hoover to destroy The Unknown.
It's quite a lot to deconstruct.

But Willy McDuff is a hero now.
Despite his awful factory he's got killing know-how.
Thank god his hoover also sucked.

Willy McDuff
Huh! Motherfucker!
Fired lasers from his fingers, and sparks from his toes.
He saved the budget for the fight.

Willy McDuff is a hero and a clown,
No one gets a refund, he won't take it lying down.
Our money's gone into the night.
With Willy McDuff.